Jonne is surprisingly a lot like Kristian, you know. They’re both rather tiny and fragile emotionally – but Kristian always pretends not to care and Jonne always pretends nothing happened. They both hide under the pretense of being strong, of being above pain, above hurt.

Kristian hurts Jonne, and Jonne acts distant, angry, towards him. Snappy. Kristian’s attitude toward the whole thing is ‘whatever’, always rolling his eyes and shrugging his shoulders, causing Jonne to have a fit and punch the wall or rip the bedsheets or tear down the curtains or kick in the door. Jonne gets surprisingly animated when he gets angry, and he does have a habit of breaking things.

They think so similarly, slightly paranoid, always questioning, questioning things until it would make the average person go insane. And they fight like cats and dogs because of it.

Needless to say, when we’re gathered as a band these days, it’s a tense atmosphere.

Antti has taken to chewing his nails, biting them down to the quick. Nakki’s always using his phone, texting, so that he has an excuse to pretend he has no idea what’s going on. Jay just stares at Jonne with the most concerned look on his face – I don’t think he’s even realized – because they’ve been friends for so long and he knows what Kristian is doing to Jonne. And me, I referee the fights between Jonne and Kristian and try to keep Tommi from butting in on top of it.

Tommi hates Kristian now, for making his brother miserable, and no one in the band blames him for it. So it’s my job to force him to be unbiased, for Jonne’s sake, because it’s his band and his heart and he’s a grown adult, even though Tommi still doesn’t see that sometimes.

But really, we all want to protect Jonne, all of us, even Nakki and Antti and hell, even Kristian, because – even though he is probably stronger than all of us – Jonne is so fragile and small and needs protecting.

So does Kristian, only he has claws and fangs and no one dares get close enough to him but Jonne, not even me. And Jonne bears the scars of that choice, bears them deep.

They’re so similar they’ve destroyed eachother, really; though Kristian started it with his drug abuse and his habits and his fucking attitude. That’s not to say Jonne was completely faultless, but he didn’t bring the whole thing crashing down, either –that was Kristian’s doing.

I can’t help but wonder how long it will be until Jonne has enough.